Have you tried every diet on the market with little to no success?
Too often, with these “ultra-fast weight loss” diets, we see people becoming frustrated, ironically, with inconsistent weight loss. This leads to the all-or-nothing mindset, extremely restrictive eating habits, and the search for “the next best weight loss diet,” which turns into frustration when the results aren’t what we hoped for.
In this episode of the Love Your Gut Podcast, I talk to Toni Marinucci about diet culture, getting in-tune with our internal cues, and the truth about quick fixes.
Toni Marinucci is a Registered Dietitian and business owner of Tips With Toni, who ironically teaches people now not to diet. Her team of RD’s provide online nutrition coaching to help women break free from the all-or-nothing mindset and encourage balance instead. Toni’s mission is to end restrictive diet culture by providing simple tips to healthy living while incorporating foods you love! She recently gave a TEDx talk as the author of a #1 bestselling book, Once Upon A Diet, where she discusses the parallels between dieting, dating, and romantic relationships, and how we treat them the same.
Topics Covered in This Episode:
- Why we think we need to go to an extreme to feel better
- How to stop seeing food as the issue
- Why you can eat it on vacation but not in normal life
- What to do if you have to avoid a food
- Relearning how to know your body’s cues
- The importance of checking in with yourself
- Why it’s worth it to invest in the process rather than finding a quick fix
- The addictive stress cycle
It’s not necessary to take the all-or-nothing approach to dieting. Demonizing certain food groups and restrictive eating only lead to more problems, both physically and mentally. Balancing our diets and checking in with ourselves on a regular basis are more sustainable, beneficial ways to reach our goals in ways that make us feel better.
- “When I started to focus on how food made me feel rather than how it was going to make me look, that’s when I found balance in my eating habits.”
- “The more you give in to those quick fixes or to those extremes, that’s the slowest way you’ll ever get to your goals.”
- “It’s not the food, or it’s not the exercise, or it’s not the thing, it’s what you think about that thing.”
- “You don’t want to continue to choose a food that isn’t choosing you back.”
- “You can’t know what to do to your body or trust your body if you’re not even listening to it.”
- “You’re always going to find something that’s not working. We really need to focus on what is working.”
- “You have to learn that you can create a new version of yourself, and it might be uncomfortable, but it is better than what you’ve been doing.”
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Dr. Heather Finley, Toni Marinucci
Toni Marinucci 00:00
I know people who are listening, they’re like, Well, that’s because the food in in the United States is loaded with preservatives and chemicals. And when I go to Europe, it doesn’t have all those things. And that’s why I’m able to digest it better. That’s not true. That’s not the case. Whether that’s true or false. Doesn’t matter how you want to see it. It’s literally because you’re not as stressed out. That’s the reason, like 99.9% of the time. So it’s not about the chemical makeup of the food because it’s the same, it’s more so just like, you know, what your state of being your state of mind. That’s the difference.
Dr. Heather Finley 00:32
Hey, welcome to the love your gut podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Heather Finley, I know what you’re thinking, how am I supposed to love my gut when all it does is hold me back. I thought the same thing before I found my own relief from my own gut health issues. I dedicated my life to getting to the bottom of my own gut issues, so I can help women just like you transformed theirs. Now I’m here to guide you through your own gut health journey. We do this through identifying your root causes and making sustainable and transformational changes. As a result, you can unleash your true potential. My goal is to empower you with the information and tools you need to love your guts. So it loves you back right here on this podcast. Welcome back to the love your gut podcast. I am so glad today to be joined by Tony Marunouchi who said that right, right. Yes, he did. She is a registered dietitian, and she’s going to tell us all about what she does. So excited, we’re gonna talk a lot about why you might feel stuck in making choices from a from a choice of self care, based on how you might feel in your body. So when you feel bloated, when you feel constipated, when you aren’t having this when you’re having the symptoms that you don’t want to have some of the mindset blocks that can come up. So I know this is going to be such a valuable conversation. So Tony, why don’t you tell us a little bit about you where you’re from what you do, and we’ll kind of jump right in.
Toni Marinucci 02:00
Yeah, well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I’m very excited to be here. Like you had mentioned, my name is Tony Marunouchi, and I am a registered dietitian. However, I am the type of dietician that teaches people how not to diet. And that’s what I pride me and my team, doing we are really big believers in just helping people feel better in their bodies and in their skin and commit to a healthier lifestyle. But without the rules, the rigidity, the restriction, feeling trapped to following something, and rather just figuring out what works best for them. So I got into this, you know, I mean, I’ve been a dietician for almost 10 years, but then where it started was like all the way to my childhood. I think for many people, that’s where we started avoiding why I even wanted to be go to school to become a dietitian, I myself grew up overweight, very insecure. My body and what I looked like was like, constantly on my mind, it really was the thing that I fixated most on, and it got in the way of a lot of things and progressing. And you know, school and athleticism, and relationships. And it was just like something that I obsessed over. And unfortunately, instead of like going about it in a more sustainable way of sustainable approach, I really jumped to the extremes. And I mean, it’s a wrong story. So long story short, I eventually realized that restriction wasn’t the answer is actually part of the problem. And when I started to focus on how food made me feel, rather than on how it made me how it was going to make me look, that’s when I found out into my eating habits. And that’s when I was really that’s where I felt like I found the answer. And I found like the quote unquote, magic potion, and I was like, okay, that’s the problem. Everyone’s fixated on the wrong things, we’re fixated on what we want to look like. But we really want to need to be focused on how we want to feel. And when you can really, you know, make that mindset shift, you know, the sky’s the limit. And that’s just the beginning. But that’s really why I do what I do today, and why I’m super excited even to be here to talk about it.
Dr. Heather Finley 03:54
Love that. And I think that the worlds that we both work in overlaps so much because a lot of our clients have come from some type of disordered eating or even an eating disorder. And I have other episodes kind of delineating the differences between those, but they feel super uncomfortable in their body. They’re bloated, they don’t feel confident, and it holds them back from so many different things in their life. They say no to a lot of social circumstances because they don’t feel right. They don’t go on the trips that they want to go on. They, you know, don’t go on the date night. They don’t do all the things because they don’t feel good. And it makes sense, right? If you don’t feel good, why would you want to do those things, but there’s a lot of mindset shifts. I think that can happen. So let’s just kind of start off like tell us maybe a little bit about like, why someone might feel blocked into thinking that okay, I’m bloated and I want to feel better. And I have to go to an extreme. Like, why do we do that?
Toni Marinucci 04:59
Well I think like anybody when you don’t feel good, and when it’s so painful, or when it’s so annoying or so hurtful or so uncomfortable, we want it to go away right away. Like, that’s our immediate thing is like, we want it to go away as fast as possible. And so that’s where we jump to the extremes, because it’s impulsive. And then we think like, it has to happen now. But we forget that how you got there didn’t happen overnight, right? We are what we repeatedly do. And so these chronic feelings of bloating, or constipation, or diarrhea, or just like not good in our body, you know, there’s lots of things that lead up to that point. So our brain in that moment, wants to go, you know, fix it right away. But we forget that it took us took time to get us there. So it’s going to take time for us to get out of it. And I think also, I mean, there’s many reasons, but we do live in a society where like, it’s constantly fed, like, the quick fixes. So it’s like, you know, lose 10 pounds in a week or, you know, drought, you know, do this juice cleanse, and you’ll feel better. And, you know, we know that that’s not going to help in the long run, but it’s what we think we see, right? It’s what the media shows us, right? It’s, we always see the before and after pictures, but we never really see that person, you know, two years from after the program that they follow, right? We just see like, in six months, they lost 50 pounds, or whatever it is. And so when we that’s what we’re seeing, or we’re perceived as the answer. That’s obviously what we go to or what we think is real, but that’s not real. And the reality actually is, is that the fast the more you kind of give into those quick fixes, or to those extremes that actually, unfortunately, that’s that’s like the slowest way you’ll ever get your goals, because it’s just a bandaid. It’s not getting to the root. And I know you speak about this a lot, but it’s true. It’s not getting to the root. So really, all it is is prolonging you staying in that discomfort for longer. So in that moment, you might get that immediate relief. But it’s only making the situation worse, or just being worse or bringing you further from it, it’s not actually healing it. So now you’re just keeping you in that discomfort even longer. So it’s that moment of relief really is just not getting to the to the root and aren’t getting to the root cause.
Dr. Heather Finley 07:15
Yeah, and it can become like this ferris wheel that you just can’t get off of like you continue to buy tickets to this ferris wheel, and it’s going around and around and around, and you’re like, get me off, but you don’t necessarily know how to get off. And then it just makes you more and more frustrated. So kind of going off of that a lot of the extremes that clients that we work with, as well as people that listen to this podcast, a lot of the extremes that they go to have to do with food. They’re bloated. So they’re like, What is the food that I’m eating that’s causing the bloat, and they think like, there’s one food that I’m eating, or there’s a couple of foods that I’m eating that are causing the problem that I’m having. And it’s a huge mindset shift for our clients, when we start working with them. And they realize, maybe it’s not the food, maybe it’s what’s going on underlying in my gut. But how do we make that mindset shift? Or what how would someone even start to not see food or one single food as the issue of versus like accumulation? Like you said, like, this didn’t happen overnight? And it could be something going on under the surface?
Toni Marinucci 08:27
Yeah, well, I mean, I think very similar to your approach, my first thing as I’m always teaching is let’s focus on just taking care of yourself better and like focusing on self care, and really focusing on like a holistic approach of looking at balance. So like, we’re gonna look like, you know, is it you know, the gluten or is it only the gluten when you’re stressed out, because if you can go to on vacation and have it and be completely fine, but for whatever reason, when you’re just like, in your day to day, it bothers you? Well, we need to take a deeper look at that, right. And so the always the first thing I’m always checking we’re always working on with our clients is getting the foundations there, like so making sure that they are eating three balanced meals a day, making sure that they are getting adequate sleep, making sure that they’re hydrating with water, making sure that they are like, you know, their exercise isn’t something that it’s in the extremes of like, you know, over exercising but also that they’re not incredibly sedentary, right? And so like helping them find their balance, but beyond that. It’s it’s not the food or it’s not the exercise or it’s not the thing. It’s how you what you think about that thing. So for example, if you’re thinking that this is going to make me bloated, you’re sitting at that foot and you’re like, I shouldn’t have this is the worst thing I’m not supposed to have it and then you eat it and now you’re stressed about it. Well, chances are you being stressed about it is actually what caused the Bloat or the discomfort, not the actual food itself. So it’s it’s real Coming to this place of neutrality, it’s helping you to view food as food, that’s it’s neutral, it’s not good or bad, it’s not harmful or helpful. It’s just food, right? And so when really stopped, like emphasizing this power that it has, we don’t give it all this power, then we can go at it at a more neutral approach. And then we actually start to notice, like, Ha, this is actually fine for me to consume, you know, or, you know, this is, this is okay for me. And also, it’s usually not even just the food itself. They’re not, it’s often related to combinations of food, and then also the dosage meaning, like, if all you’re eating is this and you’re not eating any of this, then it’s going to cause more discomfort. Or if you’re significantly under eating, that could be that can definitely play a factor too. So there’s just so many things that we need to help people to see that it’s it’s most there’s, it’s multifactorial, right, it’s multifactorial, and that’s why I help people look at their habits, rather than just like the food itself.
Dr. Heather Finley 11:05
Yeah, totally. And I love the point of why can you eat that on vacation, but you can’t eat it in your normal life. We have clients all the time. They’re like, Why was I able to eat pizza when I was, you know, traveling to wherever it was, but then I get home. And I’m like, well, you’re working, and you’re commuting, and your kids and this and that. And so I love the concept. And that’s something that we work with our with our clients on is taking care of yourself better. Like that’s so simple, but it’s also not so simple.
Toni Marinucci 11:35
So simple. And I also want to add, because I have I know people who are listening, they’re like, Well, that’s because the food in in the United States is loaded with preservatives and chemicals. And when I go to Europe, it doesn’t have all those things. And that’s why I’m able to digest it better. That’s not true. That’s not the case, whether that’s true or false. Doesn’t matter how you want to see it. It’s literally because you’re not as stressed out. That’s the reason, like 99.9% of the time. So it’s not about the chemical makeup of the food, because it’s the same, it’s more so just like, you know, what your state of being your state of mind. That’s the difference, right, baby, like you said, you’re usually you know, commuting or sitting at your desk all day. But now you’re in Europe, and you’re walking like 20,000 steps a day, and like, you’re just happier because you don’t have to stress about work. And maybe you’re not even maybe your kids aren’t even with you. And it’s just you and your husband like That’s amazing. Exactly, like, you have to take those into into account as well. Yeah,
Dr. Heather Finley 12:33
totally. And so I know, the question that we’re gonna get with this is, what if I have to avoid a food? Like, what if I have celiac disease? Or what if I’m lactose intolerant? Or what effect I do have a true allergy or a true sensitivity and or for medical reasons, I do have to avoid food because that can that can happen. Yeah. What’s the mindset shift there? Because the tendency for some people is, the more you restrict, the more you want it, it can lead to binging it can lead to feeling out of control around food, it’s very common. So want to just want to normalize that. But then to how do we take care of ourselves? Yeah, when there is a restriction?
Toni Marinucci 13:15
Okay, I’m so glad you asked this question. So 100%, you’re right, like, so if there’s no necessity to restrict, I don’t think if there’s, if it’s not necessary, don’t do it. But if you were if you truly need to, because you know, it’ll help your gut heal, or you’ll feel you feel better without that food for whatever reason, then you almost want to think it as it’s funny, because I recently wrote a book, it’s called Once upon a diet, it’s about the parallels between dieting, dating and romantic relationships. And it is actually didn’t even make it into the book because it’s something that I realized after I wrote it, so I was like, well, figures, but whatever. But basically, like, basically, the concept that I wish I had put in the book was like, If a partner isn’t choosing you, you don’t want to choose that partner back right. So if this food when you consume, it doesn’t make you feel good, think of it as like, it’s not choosing you it like does it want to be in you like it does like this food and you just do not agree at all. And so you don’t want to continue to choose a food that isn’t choosing you back. It’s like as simple as that. So, but when you go back to that focus on how you want to feel, you’ll realize that like it’s just not worth it, like it’s just not worth it. It’s not it’s causing more harm than good. And because of that, it’s not that I can’t have it like you can have it and I think that’s the mindset shift like you can have it however it’s not going to make you feel well and so like is it really worth it? You know, like and if you you know if you could say that it’s worth it and you’re okay with being in the toilet the next day, we’ll go for it but most of the time if you really take them and it just to take a pause and just to realize like I actually I know I can have this but I don’t want to have it because I if I if I had but I’m not gonna feel well and I want to feel good. And so therefore, I don’t want it. So now goes from like this place of, I should or shouldn’t versus a choice. And that’s what we really try to do with our clients is just empower them to make better choices for themselves and for their well being. And so if we’re focusing on you, as you’re in your well being and you as a whole, well, then that equates to feeling better and making choices that give you energy and make you feel good. And that’s why you’re going to decide you’re choosing actually not to have it, you’re choosing no thank you, or you choose the alternative. Fortunately, we do live in a society where there’s a lot of great alternatives, where it might be, it could be lactose free, and they maybe aren’t as great tasting. Or they might cost more because that’s also the world we live in, unfortunately. But there are other alternatives where you don’t have to feel like you’re missing out.
Dr. Heather Finley 15:53
Hey there, I know you are absolutely loving this episode. But I have to jump in really quick and remind you that I have a quick, free quiz that will help you finally figure out why you’re bloated. In order to live a life free of discomfort, you need to figure out what the root causes that’s making you experience these uncomfortable symptoms. The easiest and fastest way to do this is by visiting Dr. Heather finley.co backslash quiz, take the quiz as soon as you can. So you can transform your gut issues and lead a happier, more vibrant life. Now let’s get back to the episode. I love the concept of like you’re making a choice and a choice on how you want to feel. So let’s dig into that a little bit. Because there’s very similar to the clients that you work with a lot of our clients, they just they don’t even know how to tune into body cues. Because they’ve been so disconnected from their body for so long. There. They might even have resentment towards their body for the digestive issues that they have. They might feel angry that they can’t find a solution. There’s lots of emotions that can come up. It’s all very, very normal. And so if someone does feel super disconnected to their body, how do they start to connect back to it and realize, hey, we’re on the same team or not working against each other. Because it’s like clinging heads, you know, the more that you try to control your bloating, the more bloated you probably get, right? And I’m sure there’s a parallel there with dating and relationships might be in your book, I don’t know. But when we try to control food, and we try to control our symptoms, and we try to control our body, we tend to feel more out of control. And then that can lead to just feeling really disconnected. So how does one start to get back on the same page, start to feel part of the team again and start to start knowing the cues that their body’s giving them.
Toni Marinucci 17:56
Yeah. So that’s such a great point. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people are out of touch with their bodies, and you know how even food makes them feel and a lot of people are even don’t even have like their hunger, you know, their hunger cues in check, because they’re dieted for so many years, or unfortunately, with being bloated. Sometimes that masks actual hunger, as you just have this feeling of fullness, but it’s just bloat. It’s not actually you didn’t eat enough, but your body’s telling you that you did. So it can be challenging. So that’s where I actually do help people, I help people start with just those basic three balanced meals a day. So at least we have some sort of consistency. I know, I feel like a lot of people aren’t doing that a lot of people are skipping meals or snacking all day long, or maybe eating like one really large meal. And then maybe some are hitting the other meals or like hit or miss. And the reason why I say start with those three balanced meals a day because it at least gives us some consistency. And then from there, you can work with your lifestyle and figure out what works best for you. But um, so when I say three balanced meal at each meal has a complex carbohydrate, a lean protein, healthy fat and a fruit or vegetable feel like that’s usually a good start. And then from there, if you wanted to start to document like how you’re feeling before you eat or after you eat, that’s where you can start to notice like, you can start using the hunger scale. So as people read their hunger on a scale of one to 1010 being extremely full when being like very, very hungry, trying to get people to start to pay attention to when they eat when they stop eating. That’s usually a good place to begin. Other things, it could just be like, you know, I don’t know if you talked about this, or people are probably like it’s so you know, can you think of a better activity for people to do but it’d mean it works. So like the other thing is you can do like sitting down in the morning, give yourself 10 minutes before your kids wake up or 10 minutes before you start your workday or whatever it is to do like a quick journal entry like how am I feeling? How am I feeling in my body, right or even before you sit down to eat taking three big deep breaths and just like checking in how’s my body feeling? maybe doing some meditation just because the meditation just helps you to slow down a little bit, right? Because the reason why people are distracted or not able to tell their hunger cues often is, like I said, because it history of like chronic dieting, or just like, you know, maybe having GI issues, all that stuff, but also just being on 100, all of the time, running from A to B, never pausing, never slowing down. And so they have, they think they’re not hungry, you know, or they don’t know how they feel. Because when you’re anxious, or when you’re, you know, doing all the things, think about it, it’s almost like you’re holding your breath, like all of your tension is like up in your shoulders, right. But the second you decide to like slow down or sit down.
Toni Marinucci 20:44
And like breathe, now you’re no longer holding on, you’re shifting your attention, you’re slow down, and now you’re changing your state. And now you can start to feel but when you’re up here, if you guys can see in the like, in the video, not all of you can see, but I’m like holding like, you’re up here, you can’t feel it’s hard because you’re it’s almost like you’re you’re in like that almost like the fight or flight, you know, has kicked in, you’re just up right, so it’s hard. So you just kind of that’s where deep breathing before you eat helpful. That’s where meditation is helpful. That’s where, you know, sometimes journaling helps you get out of your head a little bit. So those are really basic things that someone can do, but they work. So like they’re so recommended, I feel like today, and it can become somewhat cliche, but it’s recommended for a reason, right. And so for those of you who have said, I, you know, meditation doesn’t work for me, or journaling doesn’t work for me, I’m going to challenge you to try just a different way to journal try a different way to meditate. There’s so many different ways in which you can do this, you can you know, you can do it while walking, you can do all sitting who do it with deep breathing, you can try tapping meditation, you can journal with prompts, you can, you know, speak into your phone as a journaling, like whatever it is like, you get to choose how you want to do it. But find a way to do one of those things. And it will slowly bring you back into being able to trust your body and listen to your body. You can’t know what to do or to your body or trust your body if you’re not even listening to it. So it’s just creating that space to start listening to it. And the more you listen to it, the more you start to notice it’s actually talking to you. And then the more you honor what it tells you and you like start to that’s where you can feel like start to feel better. And now it starts to work with you a little bit more, like you said before, like instead of fighting against your body, you’re fighting with your body, all your body is trying to do is communicate with you, your body has been there for me with you from the beginning will be is what you were there with you now and will be there with you till the end. So learn to work with it. And it will work with you. It’s been trying to work with you, but you just been ignoring it and treat it like it’s just there rather than appreciating it for all that it does for you. And the more you lean into that and learn and show it some a little bit more respect, and just like believe that it’s there for you, then it starts to work with you a little bit better. And then you start to feel better, and then you can trust it more.
Dr. Heather Finley 23:03
I love that. And I think the the point of maybe you haven’t even taken time to check in, I think a couple podcasts episodes ago, I was talking to Leah about minerals and all this stuff. But anyway, she had a good point she’s like you’re not a horse, you can’t poop on the run. And this is it’s super like relatable to this because how are you supposed to know how you feel if you’re constantly on the run? Or if you haven’t even checked in with yourself. We’re so distracted by technology and are the busyness of our lives that we may not have even checked in with how we’re doing or we might not even know how we feel because we’re just constantly going from one thing to the next. So that’s a really Yes, making a point to check in throughout the day can be a huge change that can make a huge difference.
Toni Marinucci 23:59
Yeah, definitely. Definitely and when it even a step further for it, I’m sure you have your clients do this with a GI issues. You know, check it not just how you feel like in general like I feel happy I feel sad, you know, but like, if you feel bloated, Mark that down if you’ve been constipated mark that down. I have one client in particular we actually do you ever show like the poop chart? Like you know what to what it looks like I’m not sure if you ever did a podcast on that or anything but I’ll have my some of my clients like if they’re really struggling write down what number poop like what it looks like. I’m sure you do that. Yeah, so like that’s super helpful too because now it’s not so much yeah, you’re putting you’re feeling like felt bloated, but like now we’re also getting detailed on like, maybe it is connected to certain foods and like now we can start to you know, pull the pieces together. So well any former journaling? Journaling helps, yes, because the form of journaling helps You might
Dr. Heather Finley 25:00
think like, there’s no pattern, I’m just constantly bloated. But when you actually start tracking, and I’m not talking about tracking, like calorie counting or anything like that, but when you start tracking, like, oh, I ate this meal, and I felt bloated after, but then you look back and realize that you only slept four hours last night. And then maybe you ate the same meal, going back to what we were talking about earlier, maybe you had the same meal a couple days later, and you weren’t bloated, you might be able to start connecting the patterns of, oh, maybe my stress, my sleep, my movement, you know, everything else has a much greater impact than I even thought it did. It ends up being a huge lightbulb moment for so many of our clients, because they’re like, oh, there’s no patterns in my symptoms. I’m just constantly bloated or constantly constipated, or whatever it might be. But then they actually start writing it down. And it’s this huge realization that there really is actually a pattern there. Yeah.
Toni Marinucci 25:56
Or this is a big one that I’m sure you’ve probably seen, too. I had a client recently that was like, I’m like, I’m bloated all the time. And so frustrated, right? And then she had mentioned, well, I’m she had mentioned, she’s less bloated in the mornings, and more bloated in the evenings. And so it was like, it’s interesting that you fixate on you’re bloated all the time, when really, let’s celebrate the fact that you used to be bloated, now you’re less bloated in the mornings, and more than eating. So what is the difference? Right. And so that’s where it’s like, people will fixate on like, oh, you know, nothing’s working, or it’s nothing’s working or unloaded. So therefore, there’s no improvement. But it’s like, no, there’s probably isn’t improvement, but let’s look for it. Right. So like, that’s where I we work mostly with clients who like are struggling with their relationship with the scale their relationship with food and the relationship the scale. And so it’s a tricky situation of whether we have them weigh in or not, it’s very independent based on the person we’re working with. But say they are weighing in weekly, because they have a weight management goal, in addition to like healing their relationship with food, and all that. They’ll be like, Well, I didn’t lose any weight this week. So like, nothing’s working, but they hit PRs in the gym, they haven’t been bloated, they’ve been sleeping better, they’ve been able to, like, be more in charge of their choices. And it’s like, you can’t just focus on the one thing, because you’re always gonna find something that’s not working, we really need to focus on what is working. And so I know this is gonna sound like a big stretch. But another thing we have our clients do is keep like a gratitude journal, and like focus on like, what they’re grateful for, because it pulls them out of that stress state, it’s impossible. Like literally studies have shown it’s impossible to be stressed out. Like it is state of stress. And at the same time, like thinking about what you’re grateful for. And like, it doesn’t, it’s like impossible, it’s like, you don’t it pulls you out of that negative state where you’re focused on what you do have. And so that’s like, another tip I would say to people is like, stop fixating on what’s not working for you fixate on what is working for you. And that tells you more information that helps us to now Okay, let’s do more of those things. You know, if you feel better during this time of the day, while something is going well, versus on the end of the day, like what do we need to shift?
Dr. Heather Finley 28:10
Yeah. And I was gonna ask you like, How does someone stay the course when they don’t have that immediate symptom improvement, like there used to with these fads? And I think you already answered that question is focusing on what’s working versus what’s not. Which, you know, our life tends to move in the direction of our strongest thoughts. And if our strongest thought is I’m bloated, I’m never gonna feel better, nothing’s working. And of course, you’re gonna look for all the evidence. But if you’re looking for evidence for what is working, the small progress that you are making, it can be just a huge on your journey, because all of a sudden, you’re not focused on how bad you feel you’re focused on how much better you feel. And that mindset shift is so powerful for so many people.
Toni Marinucci 28:58
Yeah, it’s a big shift for sure.
Dr. Heather Finley 29:02
So, kind of going off of the like staying the course. And the mindset shifts that comes along with that. If someone has tried lots of fads, lots of detoxes, lots of you know, pills we were actually talking on your podcast about like, the people that take supplements because some influencer told them to take them you know, they’ve they’ve done all the things. Why is it more helpful? Or why is it worth it? Like from like a longevity standpoint, and also just from like, a quality of life standpoint, to stay the course and to really invest in seeing the whole process through versus like, going from like, quick fix to quick fix, like our culture tells us to?
Toni Marinucci 29:49
Yeah, well, I mean, I think that if you’re frustrated with constantly have to feeling like you have to start over or if you feel like every time you go on vacation now you need to do a crash diet in order for you to feel better in a bathing suit or, you know, now you have a friend’s wedding coming up and you’re going to be a bridesmaid and you’re feeling uncomfortable, where it having to wear that dress or whatever it is. Think about a life where you can live your life, you can go on vacation, you can have a fun summer on the beach, you can go be in a wedding, you can be you can get married yourself, you can have a baby all the things without feeling like you have to do something drastic first, in order to somehow be worthy of it or to somehow be like ready for it. Instead, you can just be ready, you can just be who you are, you can just be living your life. But on your now you’re someone who is in this body and goes to the beach, and you dresses up for this wedding. And it’s no longer this constant battle of being on a diet and then going off a diet. And like doing this crash diet and then feeling like also the amount of time, effort and energy and the obsession around food and your body and how much brain space that takes up. If we can free that, then you have all this other energy and things to focus on other things. And just the day to day of life just gets easier. You can just like be who you want to be without worrying about what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, if you have to run to the bathroom, when you’re running to the back, like all of these things. And you could there’s just so much more time and energy in your life that you get back. When you’re done with the hamster wheel. And you’re done with like think you had mentioned maybe like a first we I don’t remember the analogy you had given on my podcast, but it was a great one of just like just this constant Chase. And once you can break free from that you start to realize, like, you don’t need to do that, because those things actually aren’t helping you those things are actually like I said before, they’re just bringing you further away from ever getting to where you want to go. Right? So it’s just understanding that that that thing is never going to be the same. Right? That person that that thing is, it’s like, it’s like the boyfriend or the girlfriend, whoever you dated, that was like, listen, like I don’t want to ever get married, like, but this is fun. Like I’m having fun. So if you want to keep having fun, like, I’m ready to have fun, and we can keep doing what we’re doing. But like this is we’re never gonna like be committed. I’m never, I don’t want to ever get married and want to have kids like, I kind of want to still see other people but like, I’m happy to have fun with you like, so like, if you’re okay with that fine, then and if that’s truly what you want to do, and how you want to spend the rest of your life completely no problem. But if you are dating that person with the intention that one day, they’re going to change their mind, and that they’re gonna like you’re gonna buy a house together, and you’re gonna have kids together, you’re gonna have the whole picture that you truly want. Well, you’re wasting your time, that’s not ever happening, their minds are never going to be changed. So if you keep going on these diets and trying this cleanse, and this fat and this supplement and all that hoping that one day, it’s somehow going to be the thing that just like finally, like, brings you to the end and like is the answer. Well, you’re wasting your time.
Dr. Heather Finley 33:01
Totally. And I have something to add here. And I’m curious, your thoughts is, do you think that part of this is because we’re addicted to stress. So like the stress cycle, a lot of the women that we work with are high achieving, they’re very busy. A lot of them like have very corporate jobs, or they’re super busy moms working moms stay at home moms homeschooling, whatever. They’re very, very busy. And this, the stress cycle is almost addicting to them. And I say this because I can relate to this on a personal level, where, like, we only know how to operate out of a state of stress. We only know how to do something if it’s going to be stressful, if it’s going to be last minute and if it’s going to give us like this Hi a little bit. And so I would argue to that potentially the reason that we’re addicted to like these detoxes fads is because of the addiction distress and we don’t know, we don’t even feel safe. Having ease with symptoms like that doesn’t feel safe and like we could probably get into a whole episode on like self sabotage and everything else. But it doesn’t feel okay. It doesn’t feel normal. It doesn’t feel right to be able to go on vacation and not be stressed about it. It doesn’t feel fair or like you deserve the life where you can go on date night be a bridesmaid, whatever, without stress because we’re addicted to it. I don’t know
Toni Marinucci 34:37
that so much. I think I think from like a physiological perspective, like, there, you know, stress. It’s not always negative, like stress actually does help us it motivates us like even anxiety like it really, it is what helps us do things but I think where it becomes problematic is where we’re just dependent on that as our only way to feel motivated. And that’s where it’s like, depending on, you know, where you come from, or your patterns or all that stuff. Like, it’s, it’s almost like, like you said, you almost like don’t know how else to be. And so in that sense, I think it’s important, that’s where we help people really get clear on their values and what’s important to them. And that they work that way they can learn how to not operate from a place from the where it’s not super stressed, like they can trust that they don’t need to be like burning the candle on both ends in order to get things done. You know, and so that in itself, I mean, we could totally do a whole other podcast because that in itself, like that even is a healing journey. Like I was I am a recovering overachiever people pleaser, like stressed to that like, literally like to the max well, to the place where now I’ve actually healed those parts of me. And I’m going to be really honest and transparent. Where I haven’t really and I’m not I’m okay with it. But it’s almost a little scary because like, I feel like because I’m not overachieving, like what am I doing? Like, I’m not really motivated. So like, am I letting my life like flat? Like, that’s where the negative thoughts come in. But it’s like such a lie. And it’s just like, No, it’s like, because you finally learn that it’s about working smarter and not harder. And that like, it’s okay that you’re no longer a waking up at 5am. Every day I use, you know, the crazy stories I’m sure you heard yet to get to where you need to get to where you go to now, where I’m at running a business, having a full time business, like, you know, having employees all that stuff. Like, it didn’t just happen for me sitting on my laurels, like and literally like was waking up early during my workouts working another job when I needed to, like whatever it was. And now it’s like, beautiful, like, now it’s the other side of it. And like, now I can sleep till 10 If I really wanted to, it’s actually cool. Like, you know, I can stay up late, like, I know, you people are probably hating me right now why I’m saying this, but like, I really am in charge of my calendar and my schedule, and like, I get to create and beat whatever. So like, my day to day stress really is not it’s very minimal. And I’ve created that. But then my brain goes to this place of like, well, maybe I should get another job just like or maybe it’s not fair, like maybe I should do something else. Like, you know, do I really want this, like whatever it is, it’s like all these things. And it’s just, you have to learn to that you can create a new version of yourself. And it might be uncomfortable, but it is better than what you’ve been doing, which is the reason why you wanted to get out of it. So I think it’s it’s partly related to, I think physiologically, we just don’t know how else to function. I think just like, you know, habitually, we don’t know how to function. And then on a deeper level, I think the worst part that I healed was, for me, I was always doing it for other people. Like, I felt like, I was not worthy if I wasn’t working like a psycho. You know, and I think that’s the part where like, I’ve worked very much with my therapists to realize like, I don’t need to, you know, work a certain amount of hours to be worthy of money or to be worthy of a relationship, or whatever it is. But that’s probably where a lot of people could be operating from
Dr. Heather Finley 38:16
100%. And I think a lot of our clients kind of the parallel that you just shared, I think the parallel here is a lot of our clients don’t realize how easy quote unquote, easy finding relief from digestive symptoms can be, because like you said earlier, we think that if it’s not extreme, or if it’s not crazy, or if it’s not perfect, even, it’s not going to work. But the reality is that you can find relief from digestive symptoms, with ease, in flow in sync with your life without extremes. And in sometimes that’s the biggest mindset shift that people have to have is like, okay, just because it’s not a juice cleanse, just because I’m not restricting all these foods and feel miserable doesn’t mean it’s not effective. And doesn’t mean it’s not powerful or transformational. So Oh, my gosh, so good. Tony, thanks so much for joining today. I think this is going to be so valuable for all the listeners, will you please tell us where they can find you? How they can connect with you all that?
Toni Marinucci 39:27
Yeah, so I can be found on Instagram at TIPS underscore with underscore Tony with an eye. Also on tick tock. You can learn more at my website tips to tony.com. And I have my book once upon a diet available on Amazon.
Dr. Heather Finley 39:42
Awesome. I love it. Thank you so much for joining. And you guys. Thanks for tuning in. Let us know over on Instagram what your biggest takeaway was, and we’ll see you on the next episode.
Please note that this episode is not a substitute for medical advice. And you should always consult your healthcare provider prior to making any changes.
I’m giving your gut a thumbs up because you just finished another episode of the love your gut podcast. Thanks so much for listening in to this episode. I hope it was helpful. I know you feel like you’ve tried absolutely everything to get to the root cause of your gut symptoms. And if you ask me, I think it’s about time we find a long term solution. My gutTogether program is a life changing program that will help you finally understand what’s going on in your gut and the steps you need to take to find relief. Visit DrHeatherfinley.co/guttogether for more information so that you can start transforming your gut today. And as always, remember to love your gut so it will love you back